Anger preceeds hate right?

Just so you know, you've caused more hurt when things were sweet between you and him...

I desperately need a Hoover before Monday!

So I spent close to one hour wandering around the Waverley Station. Exams? What exams?

The Letter Y

Why do we do things we do?

Why wake up before 9 knowing that you'll fall asleep in lectures anyway?

Why read on so many things for additional coursework but end up saying nothing during discussion?

Why spend more than 2 days on Facebook yet still feel very much lonely?

Why buy tickets to a gig of an obscure band?

Why watch Twilight even though the concept is funny? Why want to watch the sequel despite the knowledge that most sequels are bad?

Why buy Tesco salad when there are more filling food out there? Conversely, why buy arteries choking food on daily basis?

Why buy the non-diet Alpro soya when there's a healthier option? (Honestly, 2%)

Why stare at an unconventionally pretty girl in a red jumper across the road while trying to black out the view of her boyfriend walking next to her?

Why buy another jumper when there's already 10 in the closet?

Why go to the gym if only to feel better about self?

Why look at a guy and sometimes think, "Hurm, he's kinda cute or hot", wondering if it's queer to think so after all?

Why curl up in the bed until noon arrives, reading a novel?

Why have plot bunnies jumping around but too lazy to 'capture' them?

Why waste money on Tesco reductions or buy-one-get-ones?

Why read lecture notes when they're simply repellent?

Why stall doing homework, even if the repercussions are dire?

Why bother going to bed early at night but still can't wake up early in the morning?

Why go to a friend's party, only to whip out the cell phone to defuse any awkwardness?
Why try to mingle with them when it's obvious they don't want you?

Why learn sign language at all?

Why run an event that is clipped with mountainous expectations?

Why play console games when it's not the best of distraction?

Why walk back from the GP practice when taking a bus is much more convenient?

Why cry in the dark, sensing everything is caving in and the haplessness can't be helped?

Why put on a happy façade when it's all shattered inside?

Why?

Why?

How come?

How come?

Why.

Video of the Year, no?

So it's not wrong to refresh your Facebook homepage, like, in every ten seconds. Had I not done that, I wouldn't have come across this really interesting posting by one of the friends. He uploaded a video that's almost 20 minutes long, covering his journey on a double decker in London. I was speechless at first. Bemusement took over really soon. For the life of me, the thought that you could chart your daily journey in a video and post it for the world to see never crosses my mind. It's understandable that he's all giddy with his newfound status as a Londoner but to shoot that video? It must have taken him a lot of patience (and energy) to hold whatever device he used to make the recording in position. I didn't watch it in its entirety, otherwise I would've wasted 20 minutes of my life but the video, as far as I had seen, was pretty good. I really salute him. Ahahaha.

Remind me to make a video of myself traversing down Fifth Avenue...

Midnight in the Afternoon...

I've been blighted by a new disease recently.

An extended afternoon nap is not good especially when you have a backlog of things to do.

I always tell myself to wake up after half an hour or at most, 60 minutes but that doesn't seem to happen. Every time I'm on the precipice of waking up, the stronger force to keep me asleep yank me back into the Slumberland.

This is definitely NOT good!

A Research on Research Papers

The medics read research paper but can't make the head or tail of its content.

The GPs have a stack of research papers on their desks as scrap papers.

The consultants keep an update on any new research matters for the purpose of finding if they've been cited by their peers.

The retired practitioners subscribe to medical journals as a habit but fare no better than us wee medics in understanding them.

So why am I rifling through Medline now?

Ballad of a Sick Boy

I'm sick but I'm happy
I'm sick but I'm kind
I'm sick but I'm grounded
I'm sick but I'm overwhelmed
I'm sick but I'm hopeful baby
I'm sick but I'm friendly
I'm sick but I'm laughing
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby.


Oh!

Plain idiocy...

It's official! I'm a tool. This is my third pilgrimage to the cyber cafe to refill the bloody EVAF form. It seems that I'm incapable of filling out a relatively simple form. Or perhaps it's plain paranoia. Maybe I can get past the bureaucracy with my botched forms but the thought of dealing with the American Embassy makes me slightly more neurotic. I sincerely doubt that they'll put my application under a microscope for a scrutiny. My mother portended bleakly that more troubles lie ahead of my application process. I'll be damned!

Fingers crossed, knock on the wood and all that jazz for this one to fall through. I don't want to brave another unholy visit to the Internet cafe.

The Countdown!

Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer
To... Oh, never mind that.

So many things are ending rather soon.
My stay at home, my current love (work), and hopefully my US visa app.

Trust me, there's no specific emotion I'm able to express now. It's all a muddled cocktail.

Life, as we come to like and get acquainted with...

“Our lives are shaped by opportunities, even the ones that we missed”

- a quote. Not my usual stuff. But I like it to bits.

A Contemplation

Look around you. And think for a second. Have you attained enough in your life? You probably think you haven't. But is that really the case? Sometimes we don't have to look further to see a world filled with miseries. It might exist right at your own backyard. Maybe it's a place you pass by everyday. Maybe it's around the corner where you get your favourite 'roti canai'. But in our frenzied chase for a loft facing KLCC or a slick Mini Cooper or a walk-in closet brimming with Armanis and Pradas, we don't stop to see that others are deprived of even the most basic needs. Will you slow down and drink in the scenes around you? Probably you would. Probably you would not. If you do, will you try to introduce a difference in their lives. Tricky business this is. You might think that they're condemned to suffer the cycle. You might think that there's nothing that can be done to cause the remarkable shift in their lives. You might forfeit any hopes for them to lead a different story.

You're wrong if you do. Life's arduous but that doesn't mean it's thorns and barbwire along the way. A simple deed might touch their lives forever, setting them on a completely different course. All you need to do is to open your eyes and open your arms. Embrace their faults and try to turn them around. Daunting it might sound but however little you do might mean a mountain in the hereafter.

You can't get too much on your plate!

Life has a funny way to sneak up on you. 

I have to be contented with the fact that nothing eventful had taken place in my life. But that doesn't mean that I'm not grateful. Last week saw me spending more time in the haze-chocked KL. I was in a considerable scare when I had a temperature on Sunday night. It was pretty bad what with badly parched throat and slight dizziness. Mercifully, after taking two tablets, the fever went away when I woke up the next morning. But it doesn't mean that I'm clear from that vile virus. I could be harboring them without me realizing it.

I also went to school to speak to the Form 4 students. Had it not been for Raiz's invitation, I would never come round to give a talk on scholarships and whatnot. My only regret was that we didn't talk to the Form Fivers who, in my view, are in a greater need for the information. When I was in Form 4, I didn't even think about the future let alone trying to get myself abroad. Sorry, I was not that ambitious and still am not!

The highlight of the two trips is the chance to catch up with old friends. I particularly take delight in meeting Lawi after a year of separation. It seems that time really do fly when you're having fun.

The new abode promises a properly working Internet connection. I'm majorly elated!

A-Levels results were also announced last Monday. As usual, surprises were abound. Not making the grades is now a staple news every year. For those who managed to get the desired grades, felicitations. For those who didn't, don't be sad. Plenty of opportunities are still available for you to pursue. When a door closes, another opens.

But what shocked me the most was  the news of a certain group of juniors who were involved in an automobile mishap. What threw me was the victim in the said accident. I must fess up that he's not exactly my most favourite character. Hence, some really backtalking, if you get my drift. Now, I'm ridden with guilt. It's difficult not to if the said person is knocking on the Death's door. I pray for his safety. 

To kill the time, I've read a number of novels. It's only recently that I discovered that I hadn't been reading too many of new things. My personal faves are Life of Pi, Spud (already bought the sequel on Amazon), Trainspotting, and The Reluctant Fundamentalist. I ought to get more books to be read. In the meantime, I'm working on my project. Am glad that it's really shaping up. 

Swine-y!!

So,what would result from a toxic combination of lack of rest and being in a massive crowd? Sore throat and a temperature. I'm chickening out now! How to impose a self quarantine when you're hundreds of miles away from home?

You are what you eat

There's bound to be a day when you go to a restaurant, the waiter is nowhere in sight or the person sitting in the next cubicle gets his order first even though it is apparent that you are already there before him. Indeed, such travails that include the waiter mixing up our orders or the food comes ten minutes too late that it's now lukewarm draw ire out of us. We'll shoot daggers when the unsuspecting waiter finally comes with our food while fumbling for apologies and drown him in sarcasm. Worse, we'll be more than obliged to pull the strings as irked consumers and have the waiter's lackluster performance reported to the power-that-be.

I cannot deny that I sometimes become irritated by this poor show of service, which, if happens, I'll walk out. But most of the time, I tend to symphatise with the waiters. The restaurant could be packed to the capacity or the floor could be understaffed. There are plenty of reasons to explain why the standard of the service is not up to scratch. I could clearly envision myself rushing to take orders from costumers, cleaning the table, and bringing the food to the table and in the process, getting myself all confused and burnt out. Mixing orders would only become natural after such ordeal.

Maybe it's all down to luck.   

Killjoy.

I thought the local public library would be my salvation after being deprived of this luxury called the Internet for such a long time (at the thought, I winced). In for a disappointment I was. There's no mistaking that this blithering cut-off from the World (Wide Web) is killing me slowly. I have no other (cheap) means to keep tab on my friends. I have no idea how to keep informed on the development of H1N1 in Australia. I can no longer sate my appetite for some mindless Internet trawling. This is a fecking killjoy. If I can't find anything decent to read or something worthy to while the time away soon, I fear that I might rot. It seems that I'm pretty much booked on that doomed ride.

P.S: I did manage to scrape a couple of postings with this pathetic Internet connection. Indeed I should be grateful with whatever that's conferred to me. I am now more than thankful for an existing Internet connection, never mind the speed.

A Treacherous Swine

The days seem to plow on in a neck breaking speed yet there is no sign of it letting up there. The plan is not born out of slapdash idiocy, not even from fatuous mind darting. Instead, it is very much deliberate. I guess that's the danger of planning ahead. They should nix it out from any self-guide manuals. Let us all adopt spontaneity like there's nothing else to spare.

Of course, nobody should take the fall. If any heads ever were to be rolled, that would be fearfully mine. Laundering money for a no cause is one thing, trying to shift it to a later date is another. The only weapon that I can wield is my prayers, together with others'.

One of any number of my sins is a constant yearning for globetrotting. If I have the means, I would definitely turn the world to my oyster, whatever it entails. Without a doubt, studying abroad has granted me a passage to explore different localities. It's like a door has swung open for me that behind it, new vistas emerge for me to savour. I wish to enjoy the different ways people live, the different points of view they hold, the different food they consume. After each journey, I would be obliged to proffer my stories to the ones I love, retailing them with renewed vigour. Another secret that I feel compelled to let you in is I take pride in where I have been to. Surely getting lost in an unknown Eastern European city is tempting but if it doesn't have its own Big Ben or Statue of Liberty, I won't consider it as an option at all. Hidden gem is not meant for me to find; tourist traps attract me like a moth to a lamp. I want to embark on a journey through the sparse wasteland of the Egyptian desert, climb Kilimanjaro after a self-filling work in Tanzania, conquer the Far East (Hong Kong, Beijing, and Tokyo), suffer the arduous trip to Machu Picchu, and pretend that I'm a true New Yorker. I pick the essential, in a nutshell.

I think I should start considering a career as a travel guide writer. Maybe in a parallel universe. But now, I must worry about my Australian adventure, which is close to being thwarted.

Huis

A very chaotic and cluttered hall, a bunch of seemingly aimless kids loitering around in front of the house (now manning a  burger stall. They're not that hopeless), and scorching environ. 

Indeed I'm home.

On leaving.

The company has been great. The stay exceeded the notion of bearable. A period of eight months is all for a few things to last a lifetime.

Yet, in the dying hours here, my head is filled with asinine thoughts. I can't help but to forecast that it is going to happen again. A cycle that is destined to kick in after every parting. Maybe it's not that bad. But it is remotely the best. 

Packpackpack.Peck!

I now stand in the midst of packed items, accordingly quartered to their summer destinations. It's a process not to be undermined. Soon, this creaky top floor loft would convert to a past haunting. I must admit that communication was sparse. I was and still am a blithering hopeless at socialising around. Forever an outcast, I removed myself further from the idea of blending in. I had and would never use booze to loosen the tongue nor I was a keen member of the dancefloor. All that remains is an absence, which is something that I'm neither proud of nor regret.

Night wish

I have a fleeting urge to go to Tesco. I want to stand in one of the alleys, scanning the chaotic sea of packages that contain, preferably, food. And I'll stand there, and stare blankly at those colourful displays. And I'll stand there until the guard has to evict me from the premise, for the place is shutting down. 

I'm famished and half yearning for something chocolatey. Yet my conscience tells me that I shouldn't indulge the craving. 

I've reached a point that reality doesn't make much sense anymore. Such life.

Mocha is delicious, revision is not. Period.

This is rare, honest. Apathy has never swallowed me this deeply. PBL work = nada! It bugs me though but since this is gonna be our last session, I'll let it pass. No show today, perhaps? 

Sotto Voce

Do you have pesky teeny voices at the back of your head when you're ploughing through the mountain of lecture notes, online practice pages or text books? I do. In fact, this wee digression is a product of one of these voices.

It's really annoying considering the fact that you've strained considerably to put focus on your reading. But these haranguing voices, daring you to do stuff irrelevant to the task at hand, are always there. An omnipresent, infinitesimally important presence, if anything. 

Right now, I have these flitting happily through my mind:

- Did I miss something in that game?

- I should call them. Oh wait, how much credit am I left with?

- Where should I go next winter? Paris is definitely a yes but where else?

- Damn, the laundry! 

- Need to refresh Facebook now. God knows what have happened in the last, say, two minutes?

- Will there ever be justice in the world? When will Malaysian leaders wake up?

- What should I have for lunch today? Should I ask someone to eat out with me? Or should I just grab a bowl of cold salad from Tesco?

- Need to refresh Twitter too!

- What should I get her? And how to make sure it arrives on time?

- Who's gonna cook tonight?

And loads of other stuff. You see, I'm so distracted that there's no way that I'll ever get my revision done. Also, I have a very short attention span. I can hold it for 10 or 15 minutes. Or maybe less. After that, I'll do something really counter productive for hours on end. 

Acht weel!

Random rambling at half past one. In the morning.

I have to say that it did strike a chord somewhere when Jal pointed out that my blog is spending too long a time in desertion. To be honest, this sad condition is long noted by yours truly but nothing has been done so far and regretfully, it's gonna stay that way for a longer period. 

I've been wanting to continue doing my pet project for a few days now. I was fiddling with some ideas for the story development and even to the extent of creating the scenes in my head. A short digression in the form of rereading A Good School further augmented the feeling. I have to mention that, after a second reading, that novel is laden with dark and disturbing homoerotic connotations. But I mustn't slander that great work by Yates a porno because it's remotely that. It's just inevitable for a novel describing life in a single sex school to exclude anything sexual. Anyway, my point is, I could sense the long lost fluidity called creativity is brewing and coming back from its viscosity. 

I would have happily started tapping away on my keyboard but nay, I dragged my feet. Ultimately, all the sparks slowly died down and the last of the free running creative juice slowly seeped back to its little hidey hole. Yes, it stopped even before it began. 

Now, the future of my blog. I think I've reached that twilight zone. It's the time when I should seriously contemplate on throwing in the towel....

I don't know. God, give me strength.

Viva Italia!

Bonjorno!

It's been almost a month that I left Italy. I have a lot to recount but time is not a treasure that I possess. Furthermore, my writing block is getting bigger and bigger hence my inadequacy in describing situations well. For a more concise report, go here. 

Staying true to a certain travel guide series, I've come up with a top ten list of the trip.

#1. Traversing through Rome's urbanscape reminded me much of Kuala Lumpur sans the neck breaking skyscrapers. There, low cost flats made up the fringe of the city. I love the sights of clothes hanging from the lines and windows, the undeterred energy of kids playing and the ubiquitous graffiti...

#2 ...which leads me to the graffiti. You can find this so-called form of art nearly everywhere which includes walls of public buildings, bus stops, and the sides of trains! Sadly, with combined power of the enforcement lax and the unlimited passion of the artists, some of the historical sites are also desecrated by graffiti. One example would be Grand Rialto bridge in Venice. It's an eyesore to see some writings scrawled on one side of the bridge.

#3 Shopaholics, beware! Many fashion houses call Italy their mecca. And Italianos are so into fashion that they can easily fall into two categories, the winners and the victims. Anyways, you can easily get Louis Buitton or Bucci from dealers which you can find prowling the streets of all major cities in Italy. To make the irony more pronounced, some of them operate near huge billboards asking people to avoid these fake items. To be honest, most of the stuff are really second grade. You can tell the difference almost immediately. Maybe they should learn the art of faking from the Far Eastern cousins...

#4 Getting lost in Venice might be the most delicious experience ever. Don't bother consulting a map because the road network is equally complicated as the alveoli in your lungs. And trying to pinpoint your current location on the map is also a hopeless cause. Some of the roads are unlabelled while others are too minute to be spotted from the map right away. As I said earlier, getting lost might turn out to be good after all provided it's not nighttime. You might stumble upon hidden treasures in the countless alleyways or you'll appreciate the romance of the city even more...

#5 Italianos are most helpful when it comes to asking directions. The only problem is they always point straight ahead, neglecting the fact that there's a huge block of houses or a river right in front of you. You'll get to your desired location eventually but that's after 500 turns or so...

#6 I would say that it's a compulsory to have gelato every day in Italy. You'll be hard pressed to find any ice cream quite like theirs anywhere else...

#7 I think I've seen half of the most important work of arts in the world in Italy. There's the humongous yet deliciously detailed David, the famous frescoes of Sistine Chapel, the incomplete but highly revered Adoration of Magi by da Vinci, the famous Boticelli's The Birth of Venus and numerous other art objects that I've seen depicted in books or movies. 

#8 Water rides in Venice may seem fun for the first half an hour or so. It fizzles out soon after. It takes eons to get from one point to another. Gondolas are strictly for the rich due to its prohibitive ride fee.

#9 I'll seriouly recommend anyone visiting Venice to stay at Dimora dei Fiori. It's easily the best hostel I've stayed in. It offers the unbeatable view of the canal and is absolutely gorgeous at dawn/dusk.

#10 Rome: Historical (duh!), streets of Pisa - Dreamy, Florence - intensely Romantic, Venice - dreamily romantic.

Drowned in one of the Lochs...

It's funny how some things that are meant for something good can take a 180 degrees turn and morph themselves to something really ugly.

My impassive reaction to a certain proposal has hurt people left and right. There's no justification for it, even if there's any, it's too diminutive to be considered of any substance. And despite my attempt to remain oblivious to it, I can't help myself but to pick up the noticeable changes in the atmosphere. People might laugh or smile or even talk to you but for all you know, it could have been a show. It's not something that they should be blamed on. What goes around does come around so my seemingly impervious self has to pay for the fault committed. And it's ironic that I claimed to be impregnable yet I'm very much shaken to the core by this.

Apology might come as the most natural thing now and I'm doing it with my heart. 

Sorry guys for being a letdown.

All I Wanna Do

Posting a lyric is not I normally do on my blog but the current situation makes it feel kinda apt. It's also an honest response to the previous post. This song speaks volume of what I'm feeling now.

Hit it!

This ain't no disco

It ain't no country club either

This is LA (really?)!

"All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,"

Says the man next to me out of nowhere

It's apropos

Of nothing

He says his name's William but I'm sure

He's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy

And he's plain ugly to me

And I wonder if he's ever had a day of fun in his whole life

We are drinking beer at noon on Tuesday

In a bar that faces a giant car wash

The good people of the world are washing their cars

On their lunch break, hosing and scrubbing

As best they can in skirts in suits 

They drive their shiny Datsuns and Buicks

Back to the phone company, the record store too

Well, they're nothing like Billy and me, coz

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning

And Billy likes to peel the labels

From his bottles of Bud

He shreds them on the bar

Then he lights every match in an oversized pack

Letting each one burn down to his thick fingers

Before blowing and cushing them out

And he's watching the bottles of Bud as they spin on the floor

And a happy couple enters the bar

Dangerously close to one another

The bartender looks up from his wants ad

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

Otherwise the bar is ours

The day and the night and the car wash too

The matches and the Buds and the clean and dirty cars

The sun and the moon

But

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

If you look past the characters, setting, and activities, you'll get the idea of what I'm trying to convey. To have fun irrespective to what people think. 

Reflection

Being called 'bongok' and 'really crappy' really made my day. It made me smile. We're riddled with imperfections, are we not?

Laa-dee-daa, laa-dee-daa!

I think I'm gonna scrimp and start eating salad for lunch. It's cheaper and healthier.

Annie Hall is excessively hilarious! Just a little over 90 minutes, the message conveyed is succinct and effective. It's laced with jokes that are subtle yet overtly done (if you get what I mean). In addition, it's backed by an amazing cast. Diane Keaton is stellar being ditzy and Woody Allen is convincingly neurotic. Indeed it's a triumphant comedy. I seriously recommend everyone to watch it, at least once.  

The Brief,Not So Wondrous Life of Firdaus...

It's kinda apt to say that I can draw parallel to the brief life of Oscar Wao. However, one should be hazarded that this doesn't mean that I'm being pretentious by claiming to have a wondrous life. Because mine is remotely that. 

If I were to be sold at a market, I'll only cost a measly dime and people can still expect to get some change. Utterly talentless and completely deficient in creativity, it is no wonder that I can be valued as such.

It's a God's simple truth, however bitter it is. I can only hope for a mediocre life. Even that seems unachievable for someone who has no special quality to offer.

P.A.N.I.C!On the West Nicolson Street.

Just a week ago my flatmate was applying for a job to make the ends meet. He wasn't too worried about paying for education fee at the university, which is provided free for the Scottish. He was more keen to sustain his day-to-day existence. Frankly, it's not too surprising judging from the amount of alcohol these people douse, the endless club entrance fees they have to pay, and the seemingly innumerable packets of microwave-ready food they consume. Another thing about these people is they don't rely on their parents to provide them with funding. That was why I was slightly surprised (and slighted I s'ppose) when a friend whose father is a GP (doctor) turned down my offer to traipse the continent during Easter break due to financial reasons. One might hazard a guess that a GP's son will never have this sort of problem. Apparently, he believes in a great degree of independence which doesn't exclude financial freedom. The same sentiment is echoed by my other friends too. They would rather earn their own money than running to daddy to chuck in a penny or two. After the wee kitchen conversation we had, I found myself some assurance that I wouldn't feel the pinch of the ongoing financial crisis felt the world over since I have a relatively stable financial source.

How wrong I was! After a particular incident yesterday, my financial outlook now bears great bleakness. The buffer zone has been breached as the account balance dips to a new low. I wouldn't have been too bothered if I don't have grandiose plans for Easter. On top of that, I have to pay for the April rent and the flight ticket booked by Aqtar. I will also be struggling to fund my daily expenditures such as buying lunch and commuting to the hospital, the latter is done at least twice a week. 

In retrospect, this financial collapse is inevitable. I've passed one too many red lights yet made little amends to it. My incessant investment in the recently discovered hobby has contributed dearly to this problem. With my wee knowledge in economics, I should have known that A&F, Esprit, Topman, Gap etc. are one of the most illiquid forms of asset one could possess. I also have the tendency to spend liberally on food and entertainment in which a huge chunk is lost to attending musicals and movie premieres. Indeed buying on impulse has become one of the greatest personal tragedies. 

Inundated in debts and bogged down by prohibitive maintenance cost, I see no future in aiding my ailing bank account. Unless MARA is kind enough to bank in our monthly allowance soon (which is very unlikely), I have to resort to a few options, none of which is something that I look forward to taking. 

The first one would be doing an overdraft. But just like IMF, it is replete with hidden costs and interest. To escape interest, I can borrow from friends. But this only means that I'll be booked on a doomed ride to infinite debts. The most formidable option is to ask for the FaMa fund which is akin to the government injection. But having learned a stuff or two from the local people, I will strive to avoid this exit.

I have yet to picture the monstrous effect this latest turn of event has. Even if I have, I can't never bring myself to face it. Some form of financial rescue will become a necessity in the nearest future but what I will come to appreciate more is a certain amount of self-restrain attached to the so-called financial package.  

  

Backtracked...

After years of leaving the school, I found myself once again reminiscing on the days past.I left the school with fond memories forever etched in my limited memory space and needless to say, bad memories reek forever in the same place. (Fact: 70% of the small, anti-upgrade memory space of mine are occupied by these saccharine sweet recollections).  Fret not as this recollection is self- indulgent and I’m more keen to share all the mischievous deeds I did then, serious some of them were and some were more of adolescent imprudence. These are a few facts that make me smile even today thinking how lucky I was not to be expelled from the school (haha.Wishful thinking!):

#1: The fact that I goofed up on the stage when giving a speech at the assembly and unintentionally mixed up the father’s name of the Principal with the name of the school Senior Administrator. Funnily enough, I pretended to be oblivious to this and went on with my speech without offering an apology to them. Till this day, I have yet clarified myself to them.

#2: The fact that I spent less than 10 hours throughout the year in my class during Prep hours. I have this inclination to spend time at other classes and never like the place allocated for me. I spent the first 10 minutes in the class before squirming restlessly in my seat and stealing glances at the watch waiting for the time to leave the class. Since I was a nomad and spent most of my time outside of the class, I hardly got along with my classmates.

#3: The fact that I brought my mobile phone to school and the wardens passed by my locker during weekly inspection and spot checks as if it didn’t contain anything illegal. The said item was safely stashed in a biscuit tin and even the warden notorious of busting people out, Ustaz Khai didn’t do as much as to ask about the content of the tin. One of the seniors in my dorm had his locker ransacked by the same warden in which the ‘hot’ item was later found.   

#4: The fact that I abused the privilege of using the magazine room to study and lepak-ing. This was my true escapade and the only place that I could meet friends from other classes. The place that I spent more than 80% of my school life. The place used to skip assemblies and classes. The place that certain camaraderie was sworn not to be broken by trials and tribulations (which I begin to doubt now...Anyways!). The place to gossip, to debate and to use the damn realplayer and Winamp. The place to catch a nap and everything in between during Prep hours. I often consider this as my biggest crime for the rules clearly stated that students should not use any special room other than to do work related to the sanctioning of the room in the first place. And no assembly skipping. And to be at places other than classrooms during Prep is a serious offence.Aah, how I miss the room!

#5: The fact that I told a blatant lie to dear Mr Shafrin, our GPK HEM. Some trend developed after the final exam, which was to skip school. It happened when we were allowed to go home on that weekend to celebrate the coming of Ramadhan and I returned to school three days late. Surprisingly enough, it was not only I who did the same thing. About 100 students returned to school later than we were asked to and the teachers were enraged. Since the students had the audacity to break the rules on an unprecedented scale, the school was more than glad to punish those who had no proper reasons to justify their late return. I was cunning enough to produce an MC letter, a side story on how I got this dire stomach ailment and I got by without any action taken on me.

#6: The fact that I went out almost everyday without permission from the authority. My partners-in-crime were none other than Akmal and Zul and occasionally, Kelly and Nizam. The master of this all was none other than the formidable and forever sweet Puan Rohaiza. It was just a matter of starting the car engine (Kompressor) and we were all over the place (KLCC, Jusco Maluri, Leisure Mall among others). When everyone else was cooped up in the heat soaked classroom, we were busy feasting ourselves with some great gastronomic deals. If eating out was not favoured at that time, we would order Pizza Hut and McDonald’s via phone and ate lunch in her room. OMG, I just love these moments!

#7. The fact that I violated the strict rule of outing. One incident was when Pn. Wan held some jamuan at her house (I suspect it was for my friends and I). Since we were notorious in lepak-ing, we easily surpassed the time limit. Worried not we were as Pn. Wan called the warden to inform that we’d be late. Strangely enough, the warden didn't seem to care. On another occasion, Zul and I went out with her even though it was not an outing weekend. Or went to Jusco with Cikgu Rose when everyone else was hvg this seminar.

#8: The fact that my friends and I went to town without the presence of a teacher during school hours. What if we got caught? Expulsion seemed inevitable. And I thank God even till now that even though we bumped into our moody counselor on the LRT, he din seem to notice us. What luck! If he spotted us, we would be sent straight to hell.

#9: The fact that I skipped classes just because the temptation of instant Nescafe provided at certain room was too overwhelming to pass. I skipped the entire PE classes and occasionally when me, Akmal and Zul got carried away, we even missed Sejarah, Pendidikan Islam and Fizik classes. I was a no-show in the class if there were no class at that time and the room had become my secluded hideaway. No, I’m not mentioning the magazine room.

#10: The fact that I had my mp3 on during exam. One of the invigilating teachers spotted me with the thing on but the sly me managed to tuck the earphones away from his view into my shirt. Believe me, it was bloody hard to pull the earphones into my shirt that I had to unbutton my shirt first.

Phew, what a reminiscence! When I come to think of it again, I just realize how wrong my actions were. So many rules were broken, so many hearts were hurt, so much damage had been done. Please forgive me. God, help me redeem myself.

P.S: I miss the school time when life was much simpler and the expectations were much less...

Photo Tag?Me?R u kidding?

It's occuring again; my desertion of the blog. This past week has been one of the busiest with a report to submit, a diabolical ePortfolio to complete and more-than-technical PBL sessions. Oh well, they're just mere excuses on why I haven't updated for so long. In all honesty, it stems from my insufferable apathy. 

I'd love to call the picture Malaysia. Unity is achievable if we value tolerance and respect for others. 

Go to your photos folder in your computer. 

Go to the 6th folder of photos. 

Go to the 6th picture in that folder.

Put the picture on your blog and description of it. 

Invite six friends to join the challenge. 

Link them in your blog and let them know they have been challenged.

I tag Afiq, Fiqry, Anwar, Hajar, Kelly, and Aliaaaa (based on the virtue that you heart this kind of tag so much).

Breathe (2 A.M.)

Here's another tag to commemorate my 100th post. A little recap. Went down to Newcastle to see West Side Story. I was virgin to the story so I didn't really know what to expect of it. All I knew about it was that the film version won 10 Oscars. So, it had to be really good. It turned out just OK. Maybe there's something wrong with the production. Maybe the tier that we were seated at was too high that our view of the stage was impeded at times (I couldn't see the actors but I could hear their voices in one scene.) Yet to see the movie. Hope that I can catch it next month when Film Society screens it. The hospitality conferred to us was just splendid! I've renewed my love towards NYC thanks to my incessant playing of GTA 4 and the musical. And Shahrin's fancy latte is to die for. Period.

RULES:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Tag as many friends.

5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.

6. Have Fun!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

-> Crazy - Gnarls Barkley

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

-> Cinderella Under The Umbrella  - Rihanna feat. ex-bf (?) Chris Brown (really?!ROTFL!)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GIRL?

-> U + Ur Hand - P!nk 

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

-> I Stay In Love  - Mariah Carey (hurmm...)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

-> Love Lockdown - Kanye West

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?

-> What About Now  - Daughtry (what about it?)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

-> All the Things She Said  - t.A.t.U. (this is effing hilarious!)

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

-> Never Had A Dream Come True - S Club 7 (I feel loved...)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

-> Don't Waste Your Time - Kelly Clarkson (yet I'm doing it at the very moment...)

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?

->  Menanti Pasti - Siti Nurhaliza (as long as it's not 80)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

->  Cahaya Seribu Liku - Siti, again.  

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

->  Thank You Allah - Raihan 

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

->  Dare You To Move - Switchfoot

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

->  Lovers in Japan / Reign of Love - Coldplay (really?!I don't even like the country save for PS3 and sushi)

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

->  Sembah Sujudku - Ungu (this is remotely a dance number!)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

->  You Could Be Happy - Snow Patrol (What is this??Does that mean that I'm not gonna lead a happy life before my demise?) 

17 WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??

-> You Found Me - Kelly Clarkson (Hide and seek anyone?)

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

->  La Isla Bonita - Madonna (never thought that I dread the idea of an escapade on a pristine island...)

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

->  Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

->  When You Tell Me - Diana Ross (underscores my indecisiveness effectively)

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

->  Heard 'Em Say - Kanye West feat. Adam Levine

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

->  Breathe (2AM) - Anna Nalick

Quirks and Qualms

Consider this as cheating coz it's meant to be done on Facebook. Rather than deserting the blog with an utter lack of posted material, I'm doing it here. Besides, I love tags!

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you're supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 (!) people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I stalled for a few minutes thinking of what I should write about as the numero uno point. The diagnosis is I'm helplessly indecisive...

2. ...and an immense writer's block that I seem to be having every time I want to write about something. Somehow, the statement is a bit of an oxymoron.

3. I'm a medic who fails to fall in love with Strand 2. Strand 1 stuff ain't much better either...

4. I'll always feel great relief after doing laundry. It feels like something gargantuan has decided to leave its space, creating a huge void to be filled in. With what, I dunno.

5. I heart chips of the salt and vinegar variant. Yeah, it's a flavour that you can't get back home although I must not discount the possibility of it being made available now. If not, I don't know where and how I can get my supply of it for the four months of summer break.

6. I like travelling a lot. The irony is, I haven't properly canvassed the areas and attractions in my current whereabouts. 

7. I used to collect stamps. I'd make a beeline at a local post office to get special stamps (usually in commemoration of some events) and spent close to RM10 on each occasion. I even dragged my parents to the Stamp Week in KL a little while ago. The hobby sort of died out after my stamp collection got 'drowned' in a flash flood...

8. I liked to draw too. My staple subjects were buildings and scenes at a bus station...

9. ... which is why I used to aspire to become an architect. Other previous ambitions were to become an ustaz, a teacher, and an astronomer.

10. And I used to like express buses so much. A trip to KL was something I really treasured and I often begged to sit by the window so that I could see as many buses as I wish. I even jotted down their names despite the obvious redundancy. Then, once I was home, I'd draw them. 

11. My current indulgence is writing. But as mentioned before, the writing block is almost insurmountable. Hence my inability to continue writing my sequel.

12. My other worldly sin is shopping. I consider my style as drab. Coz I've never been too bothered about it. I chase the brands not the style. Hence my shabbiness.

13. My PBL mates love my shoes collection! I don't know whether they're really honest about it though... 

14. I flinch at the notion of watching certain movies. Some of them are obviously B-grade while others are just pretentious. I dislike most rom-coms too for their abject shallowness. Grading a movie is a very subjective field so I don't blame other people to watch them. And contrary to popular belief, I don't ONLY watch movies that are awards-approved. 

15. I like to travel in a city transit system. Which explains why I can be so adept in finding a station to get to a specific location. I like it too when it passes through an urban wasteland.

16. I hate reading journals. I'll normally skip to the discussion part without bothering the method and results of the study. I'll be most grateful if the paper includes an abstract. Makes life a hell lot easier.

17. I listen to mainstream music most of the time. But there's a nascent interest in indie movement which explains why I'm starting to listen to TV on the Radio, Kings of Leon, Yuna (go Malaysia!) and the likes. I still prefer radio friendly tunes though. I particularly love Norah, Sheryl, Alanis, and Kelly. And Siti despite her attempt to relegate herself to an unlovable position.

18. It's just 18?Gah! Oh, I didn't get my driving license at 18. I waited for two years before going to driving classes. Didn't particularly enjoy it though. Condescending instructors, early classes, and ridiculous lessons (who the hell uses the parking method taught at the school??). I have now forgotten how to drive after a few months of not getting behind the wheels.  

19. I find it extremely difficult to please myself. Which is why I wasn't too happy with the experience early this week.

20. I also suffer from a chronic self esteem problem. Everyone around me is always good at something they're doing but I'll never find a niche that I can proudly claim that it belongs to me. Ever.

21. I am so attached to my previous alma mater. It's indescribable but love is blind after all.

22. I'm a serious procrastinator. I've got a journal to read, an email to reply, and additional reading to be done but I'm not doing any of it yet. There goes another weekend...

23. I'll always check my email first thing when I wake up. 

24. I'm beginning to warm to Pidah's idea of friendship. I hate it but I can't help but to embrace it. 

25. There's nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon than doing this tag. LOL!

Now comes the tricky part. I'm supposed to tag 25 people but my blog roll isn't that arrayed. So, I'm gonna cheat yet again. I'm tagging:

Afiq, Farah, Warwern, Jal, Wan, Fiqry, Lyla, Yatyat, Pidah, Anwar, Hajar, Ede, Jo Tan, Fizarani, Aliaa (good luck in writing on Tumblr), Faiz Ezwan Shah, Ateqs, Naqiu, and Oggy. And you and you too. 

There's always a black cloud out there...

February is just a few days old and I'm already at my wit's end. Granted, there's plenty of stuff to look forward to; West Side Story the musical in a week time and an excursion to London at the end of the month. But this proverbial month of love is already marred by some unwanted events. To make life easy for me, I'll make a list of things which have happened (or will happen?) that are not quite to my liking.

1) At the head of the month, I found out that I've fallen short of my expectations. Indeed I've grown to become an excessively ambitious moron over the period of one month or so. Suffice to say that it hurt really badly when I didn't quite make it...

2) I've been binging on piles of snacks (Walkers S&V, Sainsbury's Chocolate Cornflakes, Mars and Snickers, and Ben and Jerry's to name a few) and downing copious amount of 'unhealthy drinks' over these past couple of weeks that the deed now borders on becoming a sin. What makes it more frustrating is my indolence in partaking in physical activities. That can only mean that my gym membership utilisation is nowhere near its optimum level.

3) The meticulously planned Easter getaway is on the brink of falling through completely. Participation is the main issue here. We've been scrambling to find people who are interested to join us in a traipse across Europe. To entice people, an itinerary has been conceived replete with transportation and accommodation details. Rather unfortunately, this has been bypassed by them leaving only the two of us still eager to go through the journey in its entirety.  

4) I'm hoping that they'll bank in my stipend at the end of this month. The cash reserve has now almost reached its zenith. 

5) Preferential treatment has never been this conspicuous...

6) I'm overwhelmed by the workload. Tuesdays have degraded to become the most dreaded day-of -the-week and the Reason #1 cements the status of Strand 2 as being unlovable. And it baffles me how easily some people can read the ECG...

I need to take a breather. Maybe I won't be too poppyish in the coming few days so I sincerely apologise if my moroseness afflicts the people around me. 

I Hope You Hang Yourself With Your H&M Scarf

Truth be told, I've never been officially tagged by anyone to do this. But as always, today is Sunday and I haven't blogged for quite some time hence my intention to do this tag. In addition, it helps in inhibiting the jittery of getting the results tomorrow (oh well,it's still very much tentative). 

Rules

1. Put your music player on shuffle.

2. Write the first line of the first 20 songs....
3. ...and post the poem that results from your 'creativity'.
4. The first line of the 21st song is the title of your poem. 
5. To add the 'umpph' factor, get your friends to guess the title of the song of each line...and who is the artist.
6. Lastly...enjoy this madness!

I HOPE YOU HANG YOURSELF WITH YOUR H&M SCARF

One of these days, I wanna wake up

You're beautiful that's for sure

I want you to know

Well sometimes I go out by myself

Hatiku merayu rindu

To know know know him is to love love love him

So much I love you

Took my hand

Telah ku mungkiri janjiku lagi

I always need a time of my own

There she goes

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives

Dearest constellation

I've been roaming around

Lay a whisper on my pillow

This ain't the song for the broken hearted

And I heard 'em say

They told him don't you ever come around here

Do you feel ever like breaking down?

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw you face

I had so much fun doing this even though it's a blatant juvenile stuff! The first song on shuffle was a chamber orchestra number leaving me uncertain as to what to put down as its first line. The second song started with the singer humming for a good 15 seconds before singing the first line. There's a couple of Malay songs chucked in too. The end result? I must say it's a rather neat poem despite its eclectic arrangements.  

Squash-ed?

Squash can be magical as well as atrocious. Ask Aqtar for that. 

1. Cemeti of death - This cemeti or whiplash in English is used when the player is too 'flail-y' resulting in a weak and astray service. Intended for lazy deltoid muscle. Can be 'adorned' at the tip with spiky rusty nails which can also be used to shred the deltoid muscle more easily.

2. Taser of doom - A device that can evoke alertness as well as squashing lethargy in the opponent. Due to its limited range, it can be attached to the aforesaid cemeti.

3. Tameti of Hellishness - The mother of all weapons. The first name is a dead giveaway as to what it is made of. It's the cemeti plus the taser and the usage can inflict not just pain but also everlasting misery long after the initial hit was dished out. Meant for the severely hopeless cases.

But the inflicter has also his own poisons.

1. Elixir of Self Destruction with resurrection capability - Taken when the Master is defeated by his worthier disciples.

2. Elixir of Self Destruction with no hope of resurrection - When David beats Goliath. In other words, when the Master goes down to his student who is now scrapping at the bottom of the league. 

Nifty eh? Who says that squash can't get any better?

All about him

An epiphany struck me as I made my way back from the Anatomy Lab, smelling of formaldehyde; affection can make you evil. It's a God simple truth that I've overlooked time and time again. It's not a blatant accusation on this honest deed, it's merely a dissection of it from a different plane. Affection is intimately linked to preferential treatment which in turn leads to dissatisfaction. It's never difficult to be showered in this good grace as a whole spectrum of characteristics can please the affection giver. One can be thoughtful and coherent in conversation or one can be competitive in many aspects or one can be very brooding and enigmatic to elicit love from people around him. You see, the list can go ad infinitum. On the other hand, one can be very chatty or one can share plenty of good moments yet one might not come across as too appealing to the people hence one gets reduced to an omnipresent state. This ubiquity can also be afforded by long contact hours. Inevitably, people get weary of the same person. 

Here are the few things that happened to me in the last couple of days (more like weeks?):

1) I lost half of my socks pair at the mosque today. Walking with my right foot naked against the innerside of my shoe did not feel comfortable at all. Least it was amusing.

2) The buzzer system has been fixed. Finally.

3) Unfortunately (referring to the previous point) the maintenance crew fails to see into the problem of having a lightless stairwell. Walking down the stairs at night has never been this daunting.

4) Anatomy lessons can be made more effective have we had more staff and materials. And we desperately need lecture notes for pre-practical lectures because it's humanly impossible to memorise everything the lecturer has just said without a proper visual aid.

5) I chanced upon the beauty of Edinburgh a few days ago. Indeed this is a very pretty city. Romanticising the city that I live in might sound daft but it's a truth that I can't dispel. 

6) Shopping can be very depressing. If your bank account is ailing. It's not long before I need help from IMF....

7) I'm not too excited to do the HNOP interviews. 

8) I WANNA SEE SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE!!ANYONE??

"It's out there that I get hurt"

It's the silly season again. By that I'm not referring to the wads of rejection/pool letters from a certain, very much revered institution which might have arrived in carts at the wonderful Puan Kas' office this time around. Nor that I'm commenting on the much talked returner's week. I'm talking about the awards season. To me, Hollywood is in a precarious position. The ongoing development in the world somehow requires me to shun this very potent type of opium, at least until it subsides. Many of the studios are founded or linked to Israel and it would be politically incorrect and humanly insensitive to show undivided support to them. Indeed it's a grave embarrassment to note that I'm more keen to keep tab on who's in the Oscar race than the racing number of deaths in Gaza. Shame on my self...

Another post abound with digressions so let's get back on the track. As I said, it's the time when the bigwigs at Hollywood decide to release films that are conspicuously groomed for the prizes. Heavy dramas and epics which are scrawled all over with the print "Oscar material" in glaring red paint swamp the cinemas and attract the crowd in droves. Some of them are downright pretentious with A-listers spearheading them with storyline that is difficult to swallow and set at an agonizingly slow pace while others camouflaged under the banner of indie flick that most of them are so indie that they are almost a work of art. The tactic is a well worn one. It's a pattern that most studios follow if they want to guarantee their films to win awards. It's not a bad thing but it's kinda obvious that the movies which are released in December/January are tailor made for the awards while summer blockbusters are just meant to be - well - blockbusters.

Anyways, I went to see The Wrestler last night with Jal. I was planning to see Slumdog Millionaire this week but after finding out that The Wrestler would be released on Friday, I was so excited that I deferred the previous intention. The story goes like this, a has-been wrestler who's on his way out tries to reconnect with people around him and make amendments along the way. His life is in total shambles; his meagre salary doing minor stints at minor ring is just sufficient to sustain his drug requirements and he has to do overtime at the store he works at to cope. He lives in a trailer park which can easily typecast him as a low end white thrash. He's given a chance to reclaim the former glory but an obstacle protrudes out of nowhere and threatens to take away this dream. I must not spoil the story so that you can make an effort to see the movie.

I honestly think that the movie is brilliant. I might come across as a biased prick to say that because I'm a huge fan of wrestling (I can hear from somewhere someone's brain whizzing hysterically in an attempt to digest this information). But you don't have to be a wrestling fan to appreciate this movie. I know that Jal is not even remotely interested in wrestling but she still considers it as a very effective picture. To quote her, the emotions are balanced in a way that none is over expressed at the expense of another. It's a tear jerker but it does it in a very subtle manner. It's not the desperate plea of the main character who wants to rebuilds his life that tears at the heart but its the insufferable loneliness that echoes throughout the movie that does. And who could have thought that a blood lusting wrestler who's hellbent to destroy his opponent with barbed wire and glass panes can be courteous, thoughtful, and sensitive?

The mechanics of wrestling are also on display in this movie. We all know that the outcome is fixed before the match takes place, the moves discussed among the wrestlers, and a tiny shard of razor blade is used to cause bleeding. What surprises me is the independent circuits do that too because if memory serves me well, all those are the tricks used by WWE and the likes. Oh yeah, if you're faint hearted, there is an extended scene of a really brutal match in the movie which leaves both wrestlers in a crimson bath. The stage is Combat Zone Wrestling, a real life company that pits wrestlers in bizarre dangerous matches where stapler gun, barbed wire (2 by 4 in the States), weed cutter and other sick instruments normally present in some tacky slash/horror movies are staples in the ring.

I highly recommend this movie despite its chances to be noticed by the academy for the best picture league is as slim as Triple H's chances to wrestle the gold away from Jeff Hardy in the near future. Mickey Rourke should be commended with an Oscar for his amazing portrayal as 'a broken piece of meat'. I don't care with people wanting Sean Penn to take home the statuette. Come to think of it, he's already won one and it's a quiet recent victory too. And he didn't have to spare his body to play an effeminate role in Milk. Kudos to Marisa Tomei and Evan Rachel Wood too. Marisa should at least be nominated for Best Supporting Actress. She dares to bare all.

My final verdict: 5 out of 5 (is it possible to give it a half more?)

MIA:Musings.

I've been meaning to post this a few days back but I had to rush off to PBL. Semester 2 is A LOT more cramped than the previous one. 

The college community was once blighted by the sudden interest to blog made evident by a string of new blogpages. A wise friend who happened to own a blog prior to coming to the college, commented on the trend, stating that most wouldn't last for more than a few weeks. It was a fad that people clamoured to participate but left it for abandonment as soon as the wind changed. Quite surprisingly, most of the blogs spawned in that period still survive until this very day and the so-called original bloggers have seemed to leave their once trusted muse behind.

And it's quite obvious that I've slowly started to detach myself from my confidant. The idea is that I could no longer sustain the previously unstoppable momentum of blogging. Not to mention, life is getting more hectic these days. Curiously enough, I seem able to spare some time updating myself with other blogs but do much less to attend to the needs of my own platform of ranting. Speaking of rants, I can't help but to feel that my writing is not substantial enough for others to benefit. I don't have interesting daily encounters (right Ede?), I can't preach on a lot of things due to my own ineptitude, and I certainly can't generate and solidify an opinion. Most if not all of my posts are daft. Therefore, I must apologise. 

Perhaps I should start taking a sabbatical. Perhaps I should start reading extensively on relevant materials so that I have good things to report back. Or perhaps I can simply stick to my old prescription on how and what to write. But to do this, I need to search for the presently missing commitment. Yes, to keep a blog alive, one has to be a very dedicated person. 

A very American syndrome has infected me; I can't seem to stay in one place forever without asking "what's next?" It's this dilemma that I'm facing.

P.S: This is not a goodbye. Hopefully.