Drowned in one of the Lochs...

It's funny how some things that are meant for something good can take a 180 degrees turn and morph themselves to something really ugly.

My impassive reaction to a certain proposal has hurt people left and right. There's no justification for it, even if there's any, it's too diminutive to be considered of any substance. And despite my attempt to remain oblivious to it, I can't help myself but to pick up the noticeable changes in the atmosphere. People might laugh or smile or even talk to you but for all you know, it could have been a show. It's not something that they should be blamed on. What goes around does come around so my seemingly impervious self has to pay for the fault committed. And it's ironic that I claimed to be impregnable yet I'm very much shaken to the core by this.

Apology might come as the most natural thing now and I'm doing it with my heart. 

Sorry guys for being a letdown.

Quirks and Qualms

Consider this as cheating coz it's meant to be done on Facebook. Rather than deserting the blog with an utter lack of posted material, I'm doing it here. Besides, I love tags!

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you're supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 (!) people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I stalled for a few minutes thinking of what I should write about as the numero uno point. The diagnosis is I'm helplessly indecisive...

2. ...and an immense writer's block that I seem to be having every time I want to write about something. Somehow, the statement is a bit of an oxymoron.

3. I'm a medic who fails to fall in love with Strand 2. Strand 1 stuff ain't much better either...

4. I'll always feel great relief after doing laundry. It feels like something gargantuan has decided to leave its space, creating a huge void to be filled in. With what, I dunno.

5. I heart chips of the salt and vinegar variant. Yeah, it's a flavour that you can't get back home although I must not discount the possibility of it being made available now. If not, I don't know where and how I can get my supply of it for the four months of summer break.

6. I like travelling a lot. The irony is, I haven't properly canvassed the areas and attractions in my current whereabouts. 

7. I used to collect stamps. I'd make a beeline at a local post office to get special stamps (usually in commemoration of some events) and spent close to RM10 on each occasion. I even dragged my parents to the Stamp Week in KL a little while ago. The hobby sort of died out after my stamp collection got 'drowned' in a flash flood...

8. I liked to draw too. My staple subjects were buildings and scenes at a bus station...

9. ... which is why I used to aspire to become an architect. Other previous ambitions were to become an ustaz, a teacher, and an astronomer.

10. And I used to like express buses so much. A trip to KL was something I really treasured and I often begged to sit by the window so that I could see as many buses as I wish. I even jotted down their names despite the obvious redundancy. Then, once I was home, I'd draw them. 

11. My current indulgence is writing. But as mentioned before, the writing block is almost insurmountable. Hence my inability to continue writing my sequel.

12. My other worldly sin is shopping. I consider my style as drab. Coz I've never been too bothered about it. I chase the brands not the style. Hence my shabbiness.

13. My PBL mates love my shoes collection! I don't know whether they're really honest about it though... 

14. I flinch at the notion of watching certain movies. Some of them are obviously B-grade while others are just pretentious. I dislike most rom-coms too for their abject shallowness. Grading a movie is a very subjective field so I don't blame other people to watch them. And contrary to popular belief, I don't ONLY watch movies that are awards-approved. 

15. I like to travel in a city transit system. Which explains why I can be so adept in finding a station to get to a specific location. I like it too when it passes through an urban wasteland.

16. I hate reading journals. I'll normally skip to the discussion part without bothering the method and results of the study. I'll be most grateful if the paper includes an abstract. Makes life a hell lot easier.

17. I listen to mainstream music most of the time. But there's a nascent interest in indie movement which explains why I'm starting to listen to TV on the Radio, Kings of Leon, Yuna (go Malaysia!) and the likes. I still prefer radio friendly tunes though. I particularly love Norah, Sheryl, Alanis, and Kelly. And Siti despite her attempt to relegate herself to an unlovable position.

18. It's just 18?Gah! Oh, I didn't get my driving license at 18. I waited for two years before going to driving classes. Didn't particularly enjoy it though. Condescending instructors, early classes, and ridiculous lessons (who the hell uses the parking method taught at the school??). I have now forgotten how to drive after a few months of not getting behind the wheels.  

19. I find it extremely difficult to please myself. Which is why I wasn't too happy with the experience early this week.

20. I also suffer from a chronic self esteem problem. Everyone around me is always good at something they're doing but I'll never find a niche that I can proudly claim that it belongs to me. Ever.

21. I am so attached to my previous alma mater. It's indescribable but love is blind after all.

22. I'm a serious procrastinator. I've got a journal to read, an email to reply, and additional reading to be done but I'm not doing any of it yet. There goes another weekend...

23. I'll always check my email first thing when I wake up. 

24. I'm beginning to warm to Pidah's idea of friendship. I hate it but I can't help but to embrace it. 

25. There's nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon than doing this tag. LOL!

Now comes the tricky part. I'm supposed to tag 25 people but my blog roll isn't that arrayed. So, I'm gonna cheat yet again. I'm tagging:

Afiq, Farah, Warwern, Jal, Wan, Fiqry, Lyla, Yatyat, Pidah, Anwar, Hajar, Ede, Jo Tan, Fizarani, Aliaa (good luck in writing on Tumblr), Faiz Ezwan Shah, Ateqs, Naqiu, and Oggy. And you and you too. 

There's always a black cloud out there...

February is just a few days old and I'm already at my wit's end. Granted, there's plenty of stuff to look forward to; West Side Story the musical in a week time and an excursion to London at the end of the month. But this proverbial month of love is already marred by some unwanted events. To make life easy for me, I'll make a list of things which have happened (or will happen?) that are not quite to my liking.

1) At the head of the month, I found out that I've fallen short of my expectations. Indeed I've grown to become an excessively ambitious moron over the period of one month or so. Suffice to say that it hurt really badly when I didn't quite make it...

2) I've been binging on piles of snacks (Walkers S&V, Sainsbury's Chocolate Cornflakes, Mars and Snickers, and Ben and Jerry's to name a few) and downing copious amount of 'unhealthy drinks' over these past couple of weeks that the deed now borders on becoming a sin. What makes it more frustrating is my indolence in partaking in physical activities. That can only mean that my gym membership utilisation is nowhere near its optimum level.

3) The meticulously planned Easter getaway is on the brink of falling through completely. Participation is the main issue here. We've been scrambling to find people who are interested to join us in a traipse across Europe. To entice people, an itinerary has been conceived replete with transportation and accommodation details. Rather unfortunately, this has been bypassed by them leaving only the two of us still eager to go through the journey in its entirety.  

4) I'm hoping that they'll bank in my stipend at the end of this month. The cash reserve has now almost reached its zenith. 

5) Preferential treatment has never been this conspicuous...

6) I'm overwhelmed by the workload. Tuesdays have degraded to become the most dreaded day-of -the-week and the Reason #1 cements the status of Strand 2 as being unlovable. And it baffles me how easily some people can read the ECG...

I need to take a breather. Maybe I won't be too poppyish in the coming few days so I sincerely apologise if my moroseness afflicts the people around me. 

Snippets Vol. 1

Yes,it's one of the rare days that lecture ends before 10 in the morning and students are then left to their devices in filling in the time before tomorrow's lectures. You can go to the library, do groceries, or work out at the gym. I choose to return to the comfort of my room, away from the frenetic and soggy rush downstairs (it's drizzling out there!)

A lot and not much has happened since I last posted, depending on how I want to look at it. Exam is less than a month away and I am now overwhelmed with unfinished revision. It's crystal clear that I've been left bajillion miles behind judging from the little sense that I can draw on the online academic discussions. Yes, they tend to stray off tangent but that is not an excuse for my lack of even the most fundamental of knowledge. In every sense, I've been adequately inept.

So, recap. Last weekend saw me travelling 7 hours in a cramped bus to Nottingham. While the journey was as uninteresting as the annual health report of the geriatrics in Scotland, the event itself was amazing. Nothing beats seeing Fiqry paving ways to become somebody really important in the future or gossiping with Tyra and the gang or catching up with the boys or gaping in awe at Bazli's ability to dispense lurid jokes. Even the so-so Malaysian food was enough to quench a certain craving. Indeed the trip wasn't really to see people getting sweaty and all in action but merely a catalyst to rewire some (not so) long-lost connections. I also found out that R&R food in the UK is bloody expensive!

Last Tuesday (or was it Wednesday?) saw my first participation in a public demonstration. The Israeli Ambassador desecrated the ground by coming and giving lecture at the university and we were there to express our disgust and contempt at Israel continuous violations of the human rights. Most interestingly and rather (un)fortunately, the non-Muslim Caucasian helm Palestinian Solidarity Society and they are more semangat-ed in showing defiance against Israel occupation of Palestine. I was rather slighted and taken aback to see less Muslims at the demo. This is actually reflected at a larger scale. Muslims are not united enough to stand against the notoriety of the Zionists which is very embarrassing. The lecture was a failure.Most attendees were there to grill the ambassador and dissent with whatever justification he was making. As of now, I'm abstaining myself from venturing into Starbucks... which is kinda difficult but with so many substitutes present, I should not be able to find an excuse.

I was down with fever on Friday. Had a microbiology practical on Wednesday so I might have caught some bugs then. Or maybe I got them from Ilinda. Or Millie. LOL. I had a really dormant weekend as a result.

A 2000-word essay to be done with plenty of references are expected. I'm so glad that tutorial with the intimidating GP is over but I dread the way he's gonna mark my essay. Off to work now!

A twisted tale of shrunken people...

It's official. I can't bring the weight of my luggage to below 20 kg although I've had a little success in trimming it to less than 25 kg. I think I need to smile my way through the custom check but I bet it's not charming enough for me to pass it scot free.

This funny idea struck me when I was contemplating on taking or leaving one of the favourite Tees. It's not my original. Oh no, it's not. Josephine wanted to do this to me before. Well L&G, I wish that I possess a technique to shrink people so that they can fit in a jar. I wanna bring them with me to Edinburgh where I'll line all the jars on a shelf by my bed. They'll keep me company in their jars of suspension of suspicious shades of green, day in and day out. I wanna put

Mom.Dad.Adik.Lawi.Waa.Pidah.Fiqry.Syazwan.Fer.Anwar.Hajar.Jo Tan.Naomi.Kak Pah.Pam.Ikram.Naim.Dio.Lyla.Tyra.OB.Dilah.Ariz.Cikgu Rohaiza.Teacher Wan.Kak Ton.Cikgu Hazilah.Cikgu Rose.Miss Yati.Madam Madeline.Puan Kas.Zoul.Ali.Jan.

in my little devices.

How I wish that this is possible...

You Brightened up My Day like a Multicoloured Parasol!

Some good things are better left unexpressed. Because even words can fail to capture the essence of happiness. Ah, wth! The sleepover at ASiS (yes, I've been there on Friday and there I was again on Tuesday night!) was the best evah!!

Reason #1: I've toyed with the idea before Ramadhan came and thought that, given the amount of time left here, it wouldn't have a chance of happening. But heck, I got to buka puasa at the school for the fifth year running! It's a ritual I hope to keep.

Reason #2: The Ramadhan bazaar, although noticeably reduced in size this year, hadn't failed to instigate the well trodden memories. There's also a nice briyani stall there. The Ayam Madu Istanbul was a counterfeit, a substandard imitation of the original, I think.

Reason #3: A chance meeting with Erul and Pak Wan.

Reason #4: Met with Ustaz, C. Ghani and Mr. Allen. Paying homage is very close to coming to a full circle now.

Reason #5: Got to jump the queue at the Visa centre. Thanks Ajah!

Reason #6: Reunited with many AKYUEM...

Reason #7: A rather fine day at VFS. Hopefully, my application is approved *prays hard* and ready for collection in time *prays even harder*

Reason #8: Saw Wall-E. Pidah, I totally agree with you; it was just soooooooooooooo cute!!! I won't run a review. It'll just be too cliched. Said by too may people already.

Reason #9: A Good School was in my possession, finally. All thanks to Ikram!

Reason #10: Got this!

And a pair of this!

BUT THE BEST REASON OF ALL IS ...

THE TIME I SPENT TOGETHER WITH LAWI AND IKRAM!!!

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!!

Adieu, great friends. May our paths intertwine again.

A Good Day

Two of my friends' prayers were answered today. Alhamdulillah.

The update! Finally. They didn't send the wrong email it seems...

The Gathering... Storm??

Mood: Confused still...
Listening to: Bleeding Love – The Wombats
Still reading Crime and Punishment…

Despite missing the first bus to Seremban due to my oversleeping, I did attend the gathering last Sunday.

And my notion prior to coming to the gathering turned out to be true. How people have changed over the years.

I don’t know what to brand the changes with. If I say that it’s for the better, I am lying through my teeth. If I say that it’s for the worse, I might come across as judgmental. In the end, I resort to leaving all to God to judge them…

I endured stilted conversation, complete apprehension, and the inferiority associated with being underdressed. They are now active members of the social scene with credits at numerous parties and gatherings. I am still the stiff conservative that I was then, having done not so much of venturing outside than catching a flick at a cinema.

We watched Wanted and I must say that it was as disappointing as the meeting itself. I was fooled by the promo, thinking that the movie was not just like any other summer blockbusters, slick but with no substance. It turned out that the film fit exactly the typical Hollywood mould, slick and unsubstantial. The build up was nice what with mind-bending bullet projectile, freeze motion technique, which was abundant and a hot chick hell-bent on taking out people, but halfway through the movie, it was apparent who the good guy was and who was not. Heck, even the many carefully done reviews in the newspaper could not conceal the spoiler from the readers. How many times have we read that when a movie character gained the trust of an organization and vice versa, it turned out that there is more than meet the eyes about the organization? I was expecting that the movie would break away from this clichéd storyline but boy, was I wrong. To top it all, the movie decided to snuff the light out of my biggest celebrity crush. The goodbye letterings engraved on the exotic looking bullet at the end of the movie promo in the television is a dead giveaway of who I’m referring to…

I was disoriented when I came out of the cinema. And this was when my greatest fear was confirmed. I shall not divulge one bit more here but suffice to say that I was shocked beyond reasons…

After parting ways with them (in God’s honesty, I was thoroughly relieved, much too my displeasure), I made a few detours. The goal was to buy A Good School, a novel by Richard Yeats. After much hassle queuing up to withdraw money (the security alarm installed in one of the ATMs went off, extracting curious glances from the crowd) and buying Kit Kat from a newsstand so that I could get a plastic bag to carry my paperback safely into the mammoth MPH, I was met with another disappointment. The price was marked up to a price that I decided was way out of my means. I left the bookstore without the book.

I missed the last bus to Jelebu later that evening so I had to ask my dad to fetch me. Another hour was spent at arguably one of the biggest bookstores in Seremban. As expected, it didn’t carry the book that I longed for. I couldn’t find Freakonomics too!

I concluded that the trip was a disappointment through and through. The only consolations were the hearty offering from Carl’s Jr. and the sinfully delicious Dark Mocha Frappucino…Oh, I didn’t mind the company of Brian, Im, and Dio too.

Re-uniting!

Mood: It's a clout!
Listening to: 1973 - James Blunt
Reading: Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Invariably,a crowded, stifling mall has always been an option for a school reunion. I guess it all boils down to a few basic facts associated with the aforementioned venue. There's an array of restaurants one can choose to dine at, there's always the indispensable component of today's mall which is the cinema, and there are shops to do some window shopping, if nothing serious is involved. I chanced upon this invitation and I was excited.

Now,I'm dreading it.

It's been almost two years boys!And so much has changed in that span of time. Even a few things have come undone.

I must brace myself for today's meeting. Hopefully, I'll come presentable and ready for future conversations. Hopefully, all banters will roll off our tongues naturally...