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Whatever happened to this space?

I'm sorry for neglecting you but I've never been this apathetic before. There was one time when sharing the most mundane of happenings seemed rather cool. Now, even the biggest events are not worthy of reporting.

I've been kinda busy of late. But not that busy that I can still spend at least hours on Airline Manager everyday. Which is dumb. Really. Dumb. And now I'm foraging through the jungle of information for tomorrow's PBL. Maybe I should be the scribe so I'll appear occupied with the task of jotting down points pitched by other members in the group rather than looking like a Law student who had stumbled into an operation theatre.

It's killing me, this pathetic feeling of apathy. I honestly don't know what's happening to me nowadays.

Maybe I should be a scribe...

I desperately need a Hoover before Monday!

So I spent close to one hour wandering around the Waverley Station. Exams? What exams?

Packpackpack.Peck!

I now stand in the midst of packed items, accordingly quartered to their summer destinations. It's a process not to be undermined. Soon, this creaky top floor loft would convert to a past haunting. I must admit that communication was sparse. I was and still am a blithering hopeless at socialising around. Forever an outcast, I removed myself further from the idea of blending in. I had and would never use booze to loosen the tongue nor I was a keen member of the dancefloor. All that remains is an absence, which is something that I'm neither proud of nor regret.

Night wish

I have a fleeting urge to go to Tesco. I want to stand in one of the alleys, scanning the chaotic sea of packages that contain, preferably, food. And I'll stand there, and stare blankly at those colourful displays. And I'll stand there until the guard has to evict me from the premise, for the place is shutting down. 

I'm famished and half yearning for something chocolatey. Yet my conscience tells me that I shouldn't indulge the craving. 

I've reached a point that reality doesn't make much sense anymore. Such life.

Mocha is delicious, revision is not. Period.

This is rare, honest. Apathy has never swallowed me this deeply. PBL work = nada! It bugs me though but since this is gonna be our last session, I'll let it pass. No show today, perhaps? 

Sotto Voce

Do you have pesky teeny voices at the back of your head when you're ploughing through the mountain of lecture notes, online practice pages or text books? I do. In fact, this wee digression is a product of one of these voices.

It's really annoying considering the fact that you've strained considerably to put focus on your reading. But these haranguing voices, daring you to do stuff irrelevant to the task at hand, are always there. An omnipresent, infinitesimally important presence, if anything. 

Right now, I have these flitting happily through my mind:

- Did I miss something in that game?

- I should call them. Oh wait, how much credit am I left with?

- Where should I go next winter? Paris is definitely a yes but where else?

- Damn, the laundry! 

- Need to refresh Facebook now. God knows what have happened in the last, say, two minutes?

- Will there ever be justice in the world? When will Malaysian leaders wake up?

- What should I have for lunch today? Should I ask someone to eat out with me? Or should I just grab a bowl of cold salad from Tesco?

- Need to refresh Twitter too!

- What should I get her? And how to make sure it arrives on time?

- Who's gonna cook tonight?

And loads of other stuff. You see, I'm so distracted that there's no way that I'll ever get my revision done. Also, I have a very short attention span. I can hold it for 10 or 15 minutes. Or maybe less. After that, I'll do something really counter productive for hours on end. 

Acht weel!

All I Wanna Do

Posting a lyric is not I normally do on my blog but the current situation makes it feel kinda apt. It's also an honest response to the previous post. This song speaks volume of what I'm feeling now.

Hit it!

This ain't no disco

It ain't no country club either

This is LA (really?)!

"All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,"

Says the man next to me out of nowhere

It's apropos

Of nothing

He says his name's William but I'm sure

He's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy

And he's plain ugly to me

And I wonder if he's ever had a day of fun in his whole life

We are drinking beer at noon on Tuesday

In a bar that faces a giant car wash

The good people of the world are washing their cars

On their lunch break, hosing and scrubbing

As best they can in skirts in suits 

They drive their shiny Datsuns and Buicks

Back to the phone company, the record store too

Well, they're nothing like Billy and me, coz

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning

And Billy likes to peel the labels

From his bottles of Bud

He shreds them on the bar

Then he lights every match in an oversized pack

Letting each one burn down to his thick fingers

Before blowing and cushing them out

And he's watching the bottles of Bud as they spin on the floor

And a happy couple enters the bar

Dangerously close to one another

The bartender looks up from his wants ad

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

Otherwise the bar is ours

The day and the night and the car wash too

The matches and the Buds and the clean and dirty cars

The sun and the moon

But

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

I got a feeling I'm not the only one

All I wanna do is have some fun

Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

If you look past the characters, setting, and activities, you'll get the idea of what I'm trying to convey. To have fun irrespective to what people think. 

P.A.N.I.C!On the West Nicolson Street.

Just a week ago my flatmate was applying for a job to make the ends meet. He wasn't too worried about paying for education fee at the university, which is provided free for the Scottish. He was more keen to sustain his day-to-day existence. Frankly, it's not too surprising judging from the amount of alcohol these people douse, the endless club entrance fees they have to pay, and the seemingly innumerable packets of microwave-ready food they consume. Another thing about these people is they don't rely on their parents to provide them with funding. That was why I was slightly surprised (and slighted I s'ppose) when a friend whose father is a GP (doctor) turned down my offer to traipse the continent during Easter break due to financial reasons. One might hazard a guess that a GP's son will never have this sort of problem. Apparently, he believes in a great degree of independence which doesn't exclude financial freedom. The same sentiment is echoed by my other friends too. They would rather earn their own money than running to daddy to chuck in a penny or two. After the wee kitchen conversation we had, I found myself some assurance that I wouldn't feel the pinch of the ongoing financial crisis felt the world over since I have a relatively stable financial source.

How wrong I was! After a particular incident yesterday, my financial outlook now bears great bleakness. The buffer zone has been breached as the account balance dips to a new low. I wouldn't have been too bothered if I don't have grandiose plans for Easter. On top of that, I have to pay for the April rent and the flight ticket booked by Aqtar. I will also be struggling to fund my daily expenditures such as buying lunch and commuting to the hospital, the latter is done at least twice a week. 

In retrospect, this financial collapse is inevitable. I've passed one too many red lights yet made little amends to it. My incessant investment in the recently discovered hobby has contributed dearly to this problem. With my wee knowledge in economics, I should have known that A&F, Esprit, Topman, Gap etc. are one of the most illiquid forms of asset one could possess. I also have the tendency to spend liberally on food and entertainment in which a huge chunk is lost to attending musicals and movie premieres. Indeed buying on impulse has become one of the greatest personal tragedies. 

Inundated in debts and bogged down by prohibitive maintenance cost, I see no future in aiding my ailing bank account. Unless MARA is kind enough to bank in our monthly allowance soon (which is very unlikely), I have to resort to a few options, none of which is something that I look forward to taking. 

The first one would be doing an overdraft. But just like IMF, it is replete with hidden costs and interest. To escape interest, I can borrow from friends. But this only means that I'll be booked on a doomed ride to infinite debts. The most formidable option is to ask for the FaMa fund which is akin to the government injection. But having learned a stuff or two from the local people, I will strive to avoid this exit.

I have yet to picture the monstrous effect this latest turn of event has. Even if I have, I can't never bring myself to face it. Some form of financial rescue will become a necessity in the nearest future but what I will come to appreciate more is a certain amount of self-restrain attached to the so-called financial package.  

  

There's always a black cloud out there...

February is just a few days old and I'm already at my wit's end. Granted, there's plenty of stuff to look forward to; West Side Story the musical in a week time and an excursion to London at the end of the month. But this proverbial month of love is already marred by some unwanted events. To make life easy for me, I'll make a list of things which have happened (or will happen?) that are not quite to my liking.

1) At the head of the month, I found out that I've fallen short of my expectations. Indeed I've grown to become an excessively ambitious moron over the period of one month or so. Suffice to say that it hurt really badly when I didn't quite make it...

2) I've been binging on piles of snacks (Walkers S&V, Sainsbury's Chocolate Cornflakes, Mars and Snickers, and Ben and Jerry's to name a few) and downing copious amount of 'unhealthy drinks' over these past couple of weeks that the deed now borders on becoming a sin. What makes it more frustrating is my indolence in partaking in physical activities. That can only mean that my gym membership utilisation is nowhere near its optimum level.

3) The meticulously planned Easter getaway is on the brink of falling through completely. Participation is the main issue here. We've been scrambling to find people who are interested to join us in a traipse across Europe. To entice people, an itinerary has been conceived replete with transportation and accommodation details. Rather unfortunately, this has been bypassed by them leaving only the two of us still eager to go through the journey in its entirety.  

4) I'm hoping that they'll bank in my stipend at the end of this month. The cash reserve has now almost reached its zenith. 

5) Preferential treatment has never been this conspicuous...

6) I'm overwhelmed by the workload. Tuesdays have degraded to become the most dreaded day-of -the-week and the Reason #1 cements the status of Strand 2 as being unlovable. And it baffles me how easily some people can read the ECG...

I need to take a breather. Maybe I won't be too poppyish in the coming few days so I sincerely apologise if my moroseness afflicts the people around me. 

Ah-ha, it's over and done with now!

Call it a long hiatus but my desertion of the blog was somewhat justified.

I would always cringe whenever I go to a blog that has a traffic feeder. Not only it's telling the owner who has been stalking them and from where, it also functions as a speedometer to gauge the blog's popularity. But the idea of being able to trace the origin of the readers disturbs me the most. I deem it as a severe infringement of privacy and an intrusion to freedom of accessing information. Of course, it's the insecurity in me speaking.

Anyways, the term has ended with a minor bang. Minor because it has been blighted by an insufferably difficult assessment. To careen myself back to reality, I went to Waterstone's right after the exam and parted ways with a handsome sum of money for four novels. I have no idea when I'm ever gonna finish them. But the splurge was enough to shine some happiness into the bleak creases of my personal despair.

I think I didn't say proper goodbyes nor did I wish some of my friends 'Merry Christmas' at the end of the exam. Although I might have argued that everyone was embroiled in frantic attempts to console each other and recovering from the consensual mindless stab in the dark in the exam hall, there's a feeling of incompleteness in me for not even trying to do it. 

The truth is, I seem to have been trying so hard to blend in but I still need to clock in more miles before they even accept me as one of their peers. The After Exam Party should have been a good start to break through the mould. However, I see it as a futile effort at being more sociable by witnessing some friends numbing their senses with booze and losing me entirely. And I will be at the fringe, unsure of what to do and struggling to come up with some dodgy jokes that these people so like. Doesn't it just defeat the purpose?

So, here I am. The end of term is celebrated with Amadeus and The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. On top of that, I am in the strive of becoming the next Cleanliness Champion and I have 70+ podcasts in Spanish to be endured. Happy Holidays peeps!

P.S: I need a tag to do. Pronto.

Snippets Vol. 1

Yes,it's one of the rare days that lecture ends before 10 in the morning and students are then left to their devices in filling in the time before tomorrow's lectures. You can go to the library, do groceries, or work out at the gym. I choose to return to the comfort of my room, away from the frenetic and soggy rush downstairs (it's drizzling out there!)

A lot and not much has happened since I last posted, depending on how I want to look at it. Exam is less than a month away and I am now overwhelmed with unfinished revision. It's crystal clear that I've been left bajillion miles behind judging from the little sense that I can draw on the online academic discussions. Yes, they tend to stray off tangent but that is not an excuse for my lack of even the most fundamental of knowledge. In every sense, I've been adequately inept.

So, recap. Last weekend saw me travelling 7 hours in a cramped bus to Nottingham. While the journey was as uninteresting as the annual health report of the geriatrics in Scotland, the event itself was amazing. Nothing beats seeing Fiqry paving ways to become somebody really important in the future or gossiping with Tyra and the gang or catching up with the boys or gaping in awe at Bazli's ability to dispense lurid jokes. Even the so-so Malaysian food was enough to quench a certain craving. Indeed the trip wasn't really to see people getting sweaty and all in action but merely a catalyst to rewire some (not so) long-lost connections. I also found out that R&R food in the UK is bloody expensive!

Last Tuesday (or was it Wednesday?) saw my first participation in a public demonstration. The Israeli Ambassador desecrated the ground by coming and giving lecture at the university and we were there to express our disgust and contempt at Israel continuous violations of the human rights. Most interestingly and rather (un)fortunately, the non-Muslim Caucasian helm Palestinian Solidarity Society and they are more semangat-ed in showing defiance against Israel occupation of Palestine. I was rather slighted and taken aback to see less Muslims at the demo. This is actually reflected at a larger scale. Muslims are not united enough to stand against the notoriety of the Zionists which is very embarrassing. The lecture was a failure.Most attendees were there to grill the ambassador and dissent with whatever justification he was making. As of now, I'm abstaining myself from venturing into Starbucks... which is kinda difficult but with so many substitutes present, I should not be able to find an excuse.

I was down with fever on Friday. Had a microbiology practical on Wednesday so I might have caught some bugs then. Or maybe I got them from Ilinda. Or Millie. LOL. I had a really dormant weekend as a result.

A 2000-word essay to be done with plenty of references are expected. I'm so glad that tutorial with the intimidating GP is over but I dread the way he's gonna mark my essay. Off to work now!

Just pluck it!

Maybe we shouldn't blame C entirely for his over-enthusiasm and almost paternalistic approach to the weekly session. A reason why he might not be at fault is he's always the first person to project ideas. But he should leave a space for others to contribute and doesn't purge everything out himself. To buzz off the temptation to share everything from his tens of pages of information might be hard though.

We should all pluck the fruit of courage. Or C can share his with us.

Meanwhile, I was chocked on the very fruit today, resulting in a very diminutive role in the group. To make myself feel better, I'd say that everyone seems to get the same information from the same source so there's not much point of echoing others' findings. Ah, whuttahell!

Notts,here mecomes!

I laughed, I cried...

I'm too lazy to walk out of my house to search for food. Not especially when it's raining like mad and wind whose force could blow-people-off-the-street-hence-flying-without-the-aid-of-an-umbrella into oblivion raging out there. And the TwF report really is bogging me down. Not to mention loads of indecipherable complexity of Pharmacokinetics and Intercellular Signalling to cover before next Tuesday.Gah,the Strand 2 stuff too which I obligingly avoid like a plague...

Somebody put the link on eemec discussion board. I found it supercalifragilistic-ally hilarious to the point that I could hardly breathe! It's laced with so many inside jokes particularly about my PBL group (more about a certain personality there really). Be forewarned though that it's not for anyone who's easily offended, a saint, a minor, or a sick person contemplating on a visit to a doctor.

Click here

The 'I wanna do the spreadsheet' simply is a gem!

Focused,functional,and fun!

Today,we mimicked people's accent.The Ludwig's one was hilariously unforgettable.Anya's French imitation was also superb.So did Callum's American conviction.

But one thing I can't drive out from my mind is how Freddie tried to wipe off the writings on the whiteboard.Primitive I must say.But it worked.

Role playing is next.Wonder what Josef-Sizi-whotshisname-lagi would think of us once the baton is passed to him...

P.S:Kudos to Ilinda for inspiring me in giving the title.

I can only offer you morsels...

Anyone's planning to do medic,please reconsider.It'll be soon before long that this blog get a fair share of neglect.

1. Damn you,HBoS!Damn you!

2. I'm gonna sign up for gym membership once I get my card back (which,I think,will take forever). Wednesday is the Sports Day for the students at the Uni. Many turn up in appropriate gears at lectures on Wednesday mornings. And they'll party harder in the evening.

3. I'm gonna hunt for the White Tiger, recently crowned with the title of Booker Prize Winner. The excerpts make the novel seem promising.

4. I hate Tuesdays and Fridays. Strand 2 and long hours at school. It couldn't get any worse.

5. My form of entertainment nowadays is Hell in a Cell match. Good stuff I found on YouTube.

6. Went to see my DoS. The hospital where she's working is so picturesque. And isolated. A good setting for a mindless horror flick which relies solely on gore.

7. There's mid-season sale at numerous stores on Princes St. Very tempting but my inability to access my acount is a blithering killjoy. Bummer!

8. I've lost much of my writing skill...;-( Not that there's any to begin with...

Where have you been??

A19-A20 is the coolest PBL group on Earth. We broke the university record for turning up late at a scheduled activity. The latest, according to the GP, was 40 minutes late. We doubled it today.

As a comeuppance of sort, the GP asked us to read 7 long and monotonous articles. A minimum of one-paged summary each on two of the articles is to be circulated among members of the group. All of these are expected to be done by the next session i.e. next Friday. Typical I must say. After all, the GP received his education at Cambitch.

P.S: If I have the means, I would have transfered all my money to another bank...