Life, as I see it.... Now!

When I said that life is a journey, I really meant it.

After what had happened in the last few days, I’d love to liken my current state of mind to a scene of me driving in a jalopy on an inestimably long, straight stretch of road. There should be no company sitting next to me, no luggage in the boot, no oncoming vehicles. But the weak, pallid sun might hang just above the western horizon or a moon, full and beautiful, peering shyly through the amorphous clouds. There’ll be no music on but I must admit that the humming of the engine is a beat that I wish I could create a song out of it. I will cry but I’ll be too coward to dab my teary eyes dry.

Out of desperation, or perhaps sheer laziness, I’ll decide that I’m too fatigued, too confused, and too forlorn to turn around and drive back to the place where I began this journey. Tear-streaked, I’ll pull over by the roadside. Maybe I’ll just hit the brake and kill the engine when the car is still on the tarmac. I’ll step out of the car and consider for a moment. That on the second thought, in a hunch, I will leave the engine running. There will be a creek flowing nearby which opens to an estuary; the water seems almost stagnant. Or maybe there’ll be many small mounds of sand, just like the ones in the Saad Square now, arid yet inviting. I’ll advance to them and before I step into the water or climb the knoll, I’ll mechanically plonk myself on the gravel. Here, I’ll think. That deep in my heart, this is not what I’m really doing.

I’ve been up there since time immemorial and I’m falling. Falling into my own life. I’m about to hit it now…